Dear readers, did we want to know much about the multitude of penis graffiti from the Ancient Roman British military fort at Vindolanda and the discovery of the potential first surviving Ancient Roman dildo, or no? Ahem. Depending on your druthers, read on.
In a hot-off-the interweb virtual publication from the Cambridge University Press journal _Antiquity_, archaeologists Rob Collins and Rob Sands re-evaluate a six-inch long wooden phallus which had been incorrectly catalogued as a “darning tool” when it was first discovered in 1992. Collins and Sands point out that whoever came up with that categorization was completely wrong. You can see the narrower shaft with a terminal carved to show the glans as a line. It’s definitely a phallus, folks.
And it wouldn’t be the only one at Vindolanda, either. This fort, near Hadrian’s Wall (circa 122 CE) in Britain, was built and staffed by the Ancient Roman army. Historians have discovered 59 penis etchings (so far) at this hinterland station. The phalli etchings were all over the place, sometimes serving as a sort of apotropaic function to bequeath fertility or vigor, or other times intended for bawdy purposes (such as a recent 2022 discovery of a penis with a carving taunting a man named Secundinus, calling him a “shitter”/cacor). The military function of Vindolanda probably explains the reason for such a high proliferation of dick decor.
But the wooden phallus is the first of its kind — other Ancient Roman phalli have been discovered, made out of metal, stone, or even ceramic. Wood usually decays, but this penis managed to find itself in an anaerobic marshy area, enabling it to survive. The authors of the paper present three potential uses for it: as a sort of penis pestle, to grind spices (maybe with a sort of magical association of fertility); as a detachable phallus for a statue in a wall that might be rubbed for good luck (it happened: Pompeii has a ton of three-dimensional good luck penis statues); or as an Ancient dildo. We know from paintings and literature that dildos existed, but this might be the first one to have actually survived.
It is on display at the Vindolanda Museum.
Sources: _Archaeology_, “Touch wood: luck, protection, power or pleasure? A wooden phallus from Vindolanda Roman fort”, Rob Collins and Rob Sands, 20 Feb 2023, Cambridge University Press, pp 1-18. DOI: https://doi.org/10.15184/aqy. 2023.11. _sciencealert_ “This Ancient Roman carving of a penis probably suggests exactly what you think it does,” 11 June 2022, Carly Cassella. Image from _Artnews, “2,000-year-old phallic object may be the first known Ancient Roman sex toy, new study finds,” Francesca Aton, Feb 21, 2023, Newcastle University, England
