We’ve probably all seen pictures of the Bayeux Tapestry at some point, that amazing almost 70-meter /230 foot-long embroidery from the 1070s showing in cartoon-panel format how the English were vanquished by the Normans at the Battle of Hastings in 1066. But few of us have had the opportunity to examine the embroidered figures up close, and that’s why it is my pleasure to write to you about the 93 penises that adorn this famous work.
Yup, 93: four (or five, but the last one’s a maybe) human penises, and 88 horse phalluses — and that, gentle readers, is no accident. The Bayeux Tapestry has long been studied for its hidden messages, whether the ill fate signalled by folks gesturing with their left hands (remember the Latin cognate for “left” is “sinister”) or what the appearance of Haley’s comment meant. So the erect penises were not incidental.
Oxford historian George Garnett has tallied and analyzed these genitalia and come to several conclusions. First, penises stand for masculine force and virility, and horses with erections frequent powerful humans featured in the Tapestry. For instance , the horse with the biggest penis of all is the one belonging to William the Conqueror, the successful leader at Hastings. The first slide shows William being presented with his horse, who also happens to have an erect penis.
In the Bayeux Tapestry, there are a number of nude figures depicted in the upper and lower margins, and these allude to familiar fables of the time, such as ones known from Aesop’s. When penises get involved, sometimes the message is about predation. Thus, in the second image, you see a man whose penis is erect gesturing towards a naked woman — scholars believe this is a scene from a tale of a father who raped his own daughter. It is positioned directly beneath a scene where Harold Godwinson is riding towards William. Harold went back on an oath of loyalty he made to William (or so the story goes as the Tapestry has it), and the betrayal thus synchs up with the story of a man violating his role as a father.
Interpretations of the Bayeux Tapestry’s meanings will continue to fuel scholarly debate, but at least you are informed about this issue.
Sources: @historyextra.com, “The Bayeux Tapestry with knobs on: what do the Tapestry’s 93 penises tell us?”, Nov 14, 2018, George Garnett. @fyeahhistoey, “We need to talk about the 93 penises on the Bayeux Tapestry,” July 14, 2020, Kaye Jones.
